Possibilities
by Catharine Carter
Summary: What would have happened if in the episode Julia McNamara Julia had not been discouraged by how she saw her life with Christian.
1. part 1

'It was over,' Julia thought as she stared out the window of her apartment. She now knew that Sean would never love her the way he used to. She began thinking of the possible life she could have had with Christian. After experiencing it while in surgery, she was glad she would never have wanted that as it was. She couldn't live with Christian like that. But he wasn't like that in this reality. Could they have a normal life together?

Sure, he was in love with her and always had been. But would her relationship with him be like it was in her dream, or would they be completely devoted to each other. This was reality. Christian appeared to want to settle down. Did he really want to? Could she have the life with him he told her he wanted?

Sean and she could never again have the relationship that they had before. Would it be _right_ for her to pursue a relationship with Christian? What would that do to his and Sean's business relationship? What would that do to their personal relationship? They had all been friends for so long, but that friendship was tainted when Sean found out he was not Matt's biological father after all. It was Christian who had fathered Matt. Who would have known that one night of passion with the man of Julia's dreams would have resulted in the birth of her son?

But she had given birth to Christian's child, not Sean's. After all these years, she finally knew. She had always wondered if that one night she had conceived Christian's child, and now she knew. All these years she had hoped that Sean had really helped her to conceive Matt, but to no avail.

She and Christian parented a child together. She seriously began to wonder what else they could share together. Any relationship they had didn't have to turn out like it did in her experience she had while she was under. Did it?

She decided to get herself all dressed up and went over to Christian's apartment. She was going to find out if they could have the relationship she had dreamt about before, and she was going to find out tonight.

As she walked down the hall she took a deep breath. There was no turning back now. She was here. She approached the door, raised one hand and…

The door opened. Before her stood Christian, and he was shirtless. He was about to say something, but then just smiled at her. She smiled back and he stepped aside to let her walk in.

She did.


	2. Part 2

Julia sat down on Christian's bed. She hadn't said anything and  
neither had he. Would they speak? Of course they would, but neither of  
them wanted to speak first. She didn't want to, because she was still  
realizing that she was actually there doing what she had planned to  
do. He didn't want to start talking because he wasn't sure if she was  
there for the reason he wanted her to be and that it might be a dream.  
Christian sat down beside her and smiled at her, hoping she would  
begin. And she did. She took a deep breath and looked at Christian, "Hi."

It wasn't what he was expecting, but it was a start. "Hi," He responded.  
She smiled at him and took another deep breath, "I don't know what I'm  
doing here."

Christian was sure now why she was here, but he was still unsure how  
to make any advances. He slowly placed a hand on her thigh, not too  
high up though, just high enough to barely slide his pinky beneath her  
dress which came just barely to mid thigh.

Her breath caught in her throat as she felt and saw his hand on her  
leg. She bit her lip and tried to continue. "I want you, Christian. I  
was wrong to tell you that you could never have me. You can, and I  
want you to. I want to be with you, Christian. And not just for  
tonight. I want to be yours, for now, and for always."

Christian still wasn't sure this was real until Julia leaned forward  
and kissed him. Julia was kissing him. It felt so good. It had been  
years since he had felt this good just by kissing a woman, and that  
last woman he had felt like this when they kissed was Julian. Before  
Christian knew, Julia was straddling him on his lap, pushing him down  
on the bed.

She lay herself along the length of him and felt his manhood already  
hard against her. She wanted him badly, and she knew how badly he  
wanted her as well.

She surrendered herself to him completely: heart, mind, body, and  
soul. She and he were now as one, and would always be.

Christian awoke a few hours later holding Julia in his arms. She was  
asleep on his chest and wasn't heavy at all. He hugged her tightly,  
afraid that if he let go, he would wake up and it would all be a  
dream. She snuggled up against him, still asleep. He smiled, feeling  
happier than he had in years.


	3. part 3

Julia awoke the next morning naked in Christian's bed, but without a Christian. She looked around and saw her clothes and his pajama bottoms strung from one end of the room to the other. She buried her face in her hands and shook her head.

Christian walked into the room carrying a tray of breakfast foods and saw her with her face in her hands. He felt as though he was shot through the heart. It had been too good to be true. She was regretting what they had done last night as she had all those years before.

When she looked up at and saw him, she tried to hide the smile on her face, but couldn't hide her how much she was blushing. He sighed. She was only embarrassed. But at what?

It was her impetuosity. They had really done what they both remembered so vividly. She felt like a schoolgirl again, imbued with life and vigor. She couldn't help but blush again at the sight of Christian standing in the doorway wearing nothing but his boxers. He was a heavenly sight to see. And last night was heavenly.

Christian walked into the room and sat the tray across her lap and she pulled

the sheet up under her arms. "Breakfast in bed, milady?" he asked, holding a rose out to her.

Julia smiled and took the rose in her hand and smiled. "There's enough here for two," she noted. "I hope you plan on joining me."

"Of course," he told her, crawling in under the covers beside her. They began to eat the breakfast he had prepared for them.

Christian had stood behind Julia with his arms wrapped around her the whole time she had been doing the dishes. She had insisted on doing them, and he wasn't about to argue with her. She was wearing one of his shirts and he was still in his boxers. As she dried off the last dish, she turned around in his arms and wrapped her arms around his neck and they kissed. It was a very passionate kiss.

Julia pulled away licking her lips. He looked at her, wanting her even more than he had before last night. She could see and feel how much he wanted her and she kissed him again, this time, more fiercely. Christian picked her up and she wrapped her legs around him. He backed her up against the fridge and lowered his boxers.

He was already hard with anticipation. Once his boxers were off, he wasted no time entering her, filling her with himself. It took all she had to keep from screaming out, but the pleasure was too great for her and she couldn't hold it in. She cried out in pleasure. Christian continued to thrust in and out of her, filling her more and more every time with his increasing member.

She could feel him touching every inch of her inside, reaching up to her heart. It had never felt like this with anyone other than her, and it was amazing. She wanted to spend the rest of her life with Christian. What she didn't know, is that he wanted it as well.


	4. part 4

Later that day when Julia was waiting for Annie to get out of school, she couldn't help but glow over what she had shared earlier with Christian. It was amazing. She hadn't felt so alive in years. She took a deep breath and smiled. What were they now? Were they a couple? Or was it just sex?

She blushed even more. It was great sex though. But it was more than that. At least she hoped that it would be more than that.

She'd call him tonight. Maybe she'd invite him over. Either that, or she'd just go over to his place again. But this time they had to talk. She had meant to talk with him earlier, but it seemed when they weren't eating or sleeping, they were having sex.

Why was she complaining? There would always be time to talk to him. Always time to do a lot with them. They still were rather young, and she was feeling even younger now. Christian filled her with a live and energy she thought she had lost years ago. It was phenomenal.

She saw Annie and inhaled deeply, trying to calm herself. As Annie climbed into the car, Julia composed her best smile and asked her how her day was.

Christian walked into the office around four thirty that afternoon, grinning from ear to ear. He was feeling good. Life was great. As he passed Sean's office, he suddenly froze as he heard the door opening.

"Ah, Christian," Sean said as he saw him. "Nice of you to join us today. Thanks for stiffing me today. I'll remember that the next time we have a busy day."

Christian wasn't going to let Sean ruin this feeling. Nothing could ruin this feeling, so he just smiled at Sean. "Beautiful day, isn't it, Sean."

Sean Shook his head, "No, not really."

Christian laughed and headed on to his office, "Don't we have one more appointment today?"

Sean followed him, "No, Christian. Mrs. DuLette cancelled this morning. Why are you so happy."

Christian turned to look at him, smiling brightly, "I'm in love, Sean. I'm in love."


	5. part 5

"In love?" Sean laughed. "I've heard that before."

"Oh, but this time is different!" Christian told him matter-of-factly,

walking into his office.

"And why is it so different this time?" Sean patronized him, sitting

down in front of Christian's desk.

Christian sat down behind his desk and just beamed his bright smile at

Sean.

"So, what is it, Christian?" Sean really was intrigued now. "What, is

this woman actually in love with you as well this time?"

Christian's smile faded at the question. He wasn't sure. Was Julia in

love with him, or was this just a way of helping her get over Sean? It

didn't matter, he realized. All that mattered is what they had shared,

and he was sure she'd want to do it with him again. He could fill it

when he was with her. She wanted to be with him. Whether it was love

now or not, it did not matter. He was in love with her, and she was

his.

He smiled again, this time more tenderly, more longingly. He was in

love with Julia and always had been. She would love him in time, he

knew it.

Julia had dropped Annie off at the apartment and had headed over to

Christian's place. They were going to talk this time. She wasn't going

to let happen what happened last night happen again. She blushed.

Fine, it could happen a few times, but they were going to talk.

They would talk about Sean, and they would talk about Matt. But above

all, they would talk about them. What each expected out of this

relatinoship. Where each of them expected the relationship to go. They

would talk about all of it, and she would make sure of it. She

wouldn't turn to jelly just by being near to him. They would talk.

She picked up the her cell phone out of her bag and dialed Christian's

cell phone.

The other line picked up and she could hear Christian on the other

end, "Christian Troy."

Julia shivered at just the sound of him saying his name, "Christian,

it's"

"Hey!" He cut her off, knowing who it was. "I miss you."

She knew it. He was feeling the same way, she could feel it. "I miss

you too. I want to see you."

"Well, I'm at work right now," he told her, looking up at Sean who was

smiling at him. "But you probably wouldn't want to come down here."

Julia thought of Sean. Sean was in the room with him. "You're right.

Meet me?"

Christian nodded. "That we can do. Where would you like to meet?"

A public place, she thought. They they would be able to talk with out

being all over each other. "The boardwalk?"

Christian stood, "Sure. Be there in five minutes."

Christian hung up his cell and put it back in his jacket pocket.

Sean followed him out of his office, "So, that was her?"

Christian shut the door behind him, locking it. "Yeah. I've got to go,

Sean. I promise I'll be in tomorrow."

Sean nodded, "Yeah, what ever. Just go on. Get out of here."

Christian smiled and left. Sean smiled as he watched him leave feeling

very happy. He seemed to be over Julia. Maybe now he and Julia could

start over again.


	6. part 6

Christian pulled his car up beside Julia's. She was sitting on a bench just on the other side of the side walk. He got out of his car and walked over to her. She stood and wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him passionately. "I missed you, Christian," she told him, once they stopped kissing. Christian exhaled shakily, feeling life surging through his veins. "So did I." Julia shook her head, "I'm not just talking about the hours since I left your place. I've missed you since that night we conceived Matt." Christian nodded and sat with her on the bench. He looked at her seriously and sighed, "Why didn't you ever tell me Matt was mine? That we conceived him that night we were together before you decided to be with Sean?" Julia took a deep breath, "I didn't know myself. I mean, I always wondered if he was yours, but I didn't find out for sure until last year." She looks away from him, "I don't know what I would have done if I would have known when I first found out I was pregnant with him." Christian raised his hand to cup Julia's chin, turning her face back to look at him. "Julia, I need to know. Last night... This morning... What was it?" She smiled softly, "I was hoping the beginning of what will be a great and long-lasting love life." Christian sighed happily, "That's what I was hoping too. Oh, Julia, you don't know how happy this has made me. I want you to be mine, just as I want to be yours. Yours and yours alone." "I want that too," she told him, tears starting to swell in her eyes. He pulled her into his arms, "Don't cry, Jules. Please don't cry. It breaks my heart to see you cry." "I'm crying out of happiness, Christian," she told him, smiling brightly. Christian stood, still holding Julia in his arms. "Come. Let's go back to my place. I want to make up for lost time." Julia almost laughed, but instead nodded happily. They both got into Christian's car, leaving hers parked in front of that bench. She would have to come back for it later, but that is something she would think about later. Now, it was all about Christian. Just Christian.


	7. part 7

Julia and Christian looked up at his ceiling. Once again they had been

ruled by their passion, which in turn left them exhausted.

Christian turned his head and looked at the beautiful woman lying

beside him and hoped he would always be able to look at her like this.

He was in love. He felt it. He knew it. He loved it.

He leaned over and kissed her softly, causing her to turn to him. She

smiled, turning to face him, taking a deep breath, wanting to say

something, but then stopped, not knowing how to say it.

"What?" he asked, tucking her hair behind her ear. She looked down ar

his chest, fingering his chest hair, "I want to ask you something, but

first I'm going to tell you something and I don't want to think I've

gone looney."

Christian turned toward her and caressed her face, "Don't be

ridiculous. Tell me."

"When you and Sean were fixing my face... I had an... experience," she

started slowly. Christian pulled him closer to him and she continued,

"I some how got a glimpse at what it would have been like had I not

left you that one night you and I were together."

Christian smiled, "Did we have a good life?"

She nodded, "We were very well off, and you and I had our own

practice, but aside from that, we really didn't have that great of a

relationship. Christian didn't know what to say, so he just kissed her.

She took a deep breath and asked her question, "Are you ready to

settle down and be mine and mine alone. Christian looked at her blankly.


	8. part 8

Christian knew that's what he wanted. He knew that he wanted to have a life with her, but when it came right down to it and she was actually asking him, his life seemed to flash before his eyes. It wasn't as though he was going to tell her no. He wanted this with her. He wanted to be with her. He wanted to be with her more than he wanted to be with anyone in his life, even more than Kimber. Julia was it for him and he knew that.

Julia felt a slight twinge of fear well in the pit of her stomach. She shouldn't have asked him. She shouldn't have even brought up what had happened while she was on the table. She should have just kept it to herself. But if she wanted to have a relationship with this man, she had to be completely open with him, and that meant discussing things like this with him. She had to know if he wanted the same things out of this with her as she did.

"Forget it," she said, sitting up, starting to look for her clothes. She would take a cab back to the boardwalk to get her car and then she'd spend the rest of the evening with Annie. Annie deserved a night with just her and her mother. Julia shouldn't be here with Christian when she should be home with her daughter and she knew that. But even as she sat up, she felt Christian's arm wrap around her waist as he pulled her back against his chest.

She swallowed hard, closing her eyes. She didn't want to think about what he was going to say. She didn't even want to be here right now. She wanted to disappear. She wanted to sink into the bed and not even be here any longer. But that's what she was used to doing. She was used to running from her problems. She had decided the other day when she had showed up at his apartment that she wasn't running from this anymore. She had wanted to talk to him about this then, but it hadn't happened. She shouldn't be running from it now.

"I do," Christian whispered against her ear. Julia's eyelids closed tighter around her eyes, swallowing the lump forming in her throat. "I do, Julia," he repeated when she didn't say anything. She hadn't even moved. He pulled her back so he could look at her. She slowly opened her eyes. They were moist, red and full of … fear… nervousness… She was afraid she was dreaming and Christian could tell she was worried. "I want to be with you, Julia. You're the only woman I've ever really wanted to be with. No one has ever and no one will ever fill the space in my heart you occupy. Never."

A slow smile crept across her lips and he pressed his lips against hers as he laid her back down against the bed, rising over her, pulling the sheet along with him. He laid his body down along the length of hers. "I want to be with you, Christian," she murmured, pulling his body down on top of hers, lifting her hips to his, feeling his rigid arousal pressing against the fiber of her being. "I want you and only you." Christian moved his hips slightly and slid slowly into her, letting her warmth wrap tightly around him, gripping him and pulling him tightly into her.

Downtown, Sean McNamara stopped at a stoplight on his way to pick up dinner for himself and Matt when he saw Julia's car parked in front of a bench near the boardwalk, but she was nowhere around. He looked around to see if she was anywhere around, but he couldn't spot her. Hearing a honk behind him, he noticed the light had turned green and he held up his hand, pulling forward and through the intersection toward the restaurant where he had called ahead ordering his and Matt's meals. He's give Julia a call after he parked the car. Maybe Julia and Annie would like to join him and Matt for dinner.


End file.
